Why?

Why do I not slip into nothingness?

Why do I wish, when I ought not to?
Why did I speak when I shouldn't have?
Why this silence now, when its not a weakness but a resolve?
Why do I ought to prove, when I really don't want to?

Why do I have debauchery on my mind, when I look so nice?
Why do I reflect as a leech, when I am but the host?
Why am I not hungry now?
Why do I feel I got a raw deal?

And again...  Why do I not slip into nothingness?